Chapter 40: Ignoring me isn't helping anyone

     "I'm in a relationship." I blurted it out, suddenly, apologetically.

He blinked. "Okay..."

     "I mean, I'm going out with this guy I've liked for three years." I laughed.
"Isn't that just sad?"

     "It's not sad if you're finally with someone you've been in love with for so long. Good for you."
He smiled a bit, but I didn't see it reach his eyes.

     I shook my head. "I didn't say I loved him. I said I liked him. That sounds bad. Sorry." I didn't know what to say. I was being such a bitch. I knew he loved me. I knew he'd loved me for four years now. What was I doing, I was being such a bitch.

     "Oh." He turned away from me a bit, turning his attention back to his book. The back of my neck was buzzing now. I wanted to confront him. I wanted to be a bitch. I wanted him to tell me he loved me.

     "Is that it? Are you mad at me now?"

     "Why would I be mad? Isn't that a little juvenile? I'm happy for you." His voice was light, controlled.

     "Then why aren't you saying anything?" My eyebrows furrowed. He still refused to look up. He still refused to look at me.

     "What do you want me to say? Tell me. What do you expect me to say?" He looked up at me now. The suddenness of his eyes on mine made me look away, my head jolted.

     "I...I don't know. Forget I said anything." I looked away, ashamed. Maybe he was mad at me now. Maybe he didn't care. I shouldn't care anyway. I was in a relationship. I was taken.