Chapter 42: What I would do to you

I search for you as I quicken my pace down the hall
People streaming in all directions around me
I search for your face, for your hair, your build
I find you
And grab your arm
And spin you in
With my arms around your neck,
Your arms around my waist
and I kiss you

I shuffle, shivering in the winter morning air
My tea is spilling from its thermos and
My textbook is slipping from my heavily sleeved arms
I see you
And run to you
My things falling
And bump you with my body
And you laugh
And help me pick up my things
a morning kiss to wake me up

After school, the sun is high in the sky and I sigh
My back is heavy and so are my arms and my eyes
But I walk with light feet to the open gate
And meet you
And squeeze you
In my arms
And hold you
Because you are mine
And I'll tell you I want you
And you'll say
me too

Chapter 41: I just want to hold you close

Every time she saw him, she thought he was just like her. He was strong. His eyes held a flinty hardness about them that made her apprehensive about showing any signs of affection toward him. But there was something behind that. After a joke, his eyes dropped, emotion lost, and so did his face. When he thought she wasn't looking, he'd look at her longingly, but cautiously, as if he wanted her to touch him, to hold him, but wasn't going to ask her because that would betray the wall he had built around himself. And she wanted him, too. She saw that his eyes were lonely, that his body seemed to lean inward with insecurity and aloneness. His smiles were real half the time, and half the time his cruel, sharp retorts jabbed at anyone who tried to become to familiar with him, anyone who might pity him. She wanted to hold him close. She wanted him to not be so alone. She wanted to hold his body tightly, press his warm body close against her own and show him that she loved him. She wanted her feelings to touch his loneliness and reach his tiredness and help him be happy

Chapter 40: Ignoring me isn't helping anyone

     "I'm in a relationship." I blurted it out, suddenly, apologetically.

He blinked. "Okay..."

     "I mean, I'm going out with this guy I've liked for three years." I laughed.
"Isn't that just sad?"

     "It's not sad if you're finally with someone you've been in love with for so long. Good for you."
He smiled a bit, but I didn't see it reach his eyes.

     I shook my head. "I didn't say I loved him. I said I liked him. That sounds bad. Sorry." I didn't know what to say. I was being such a bitch. I knew he loved me. I knew he'd loved me for four years now. What was I doing, I was being such a bitch.

     "Oh." He turned away from me a bit, turning his attention back to his book. The back of my neck was buzzing now. I wanted to confront him. I wanted to be a bitch. I wanted him to tell me he loved me.

     "Is that it? Are you mad at me now?"

     "Why would I be mad? Isn't that a little juvenile? I'm happy for you." His voice was light, controlled.

     "Then why aren't you saying anything?" My eyebrows furrowed. He still refused to look up. He still refused to look at me.

     "What do you want me to say? Tell me. What do you expect me to say?" He looked up at me now. The suddenness of his eyes on mine made me look away, my head jolted.

     "I...I don't know. Forget I said anything." I looked away, ashamed. Maybe he was mad at me now. Maybe he didn't care. I shouldn't care anyway. I was in a relationship. I was taken.