Chapter 38: Best Friend

They tell us we can go upstairs, so we do. We race each other up the stairs, glad for an excuse to get away from the monotonous drone of the adults. We find a movie we can watch and turn the lights off. Our faces are illuminated by the screen, and I can hear him breathing beside me. It's very occasionally that he can come over to my house, but when he does, our parents take forever to catch up. We could be up here for hours and hours before they finally call us to go. I sit beside him, our backs against the bed. I put my shoulder under his, and feel his bicep press against me. I can feel his muscles ripple as he shifts for a more comfortable position beside me. I move my leg nonchalantly along his, and place my foot underneath his outstretched leg. The prolonged touch causes him to look at me, but the darkness of the room covers any hints from my expression. I let his hand rest beside him, his fingers uncurled and open beside him: an invitation. I don't take it. If I do, it'll be consent. It'll be a commitment. The hands are first, I think, then the heart. I can't risk either. But I can't help but imagine when he feels like. And I give in to the urge. I take his fingers in mine. Slowly, I snake my fingertips down his wrist and let them between his fingers. His eyes concentrate on the movie, but his hand reacts to me, twitching closed around mine. The warmth of his hand is surprising to my cold fingers and I blink in surprise as my heart beats louder. I stand up suddenly, then sit down on his lap facing him, one leg around either side of him. He starts to speak but I stop him with a hand over his mouth. I unlock my fingers from his, and find my way to his chest. I can feel the rapid beating of his heartbeat, as well as the catch in his breathing as I make contact with his torso. I run my fingers down his torso, tracing the curve of his muscles and their firm lines. His hands shift to around my waist and pull me closer to him. He wraps me in an embrace that almost pushes all the air out of me. He whispers in my ear: I've wanted you for so long. You have no idea how long I've waited for this. I can't breathe. I don't know if this is my heart resonating through my body so loudly, or if it's his. I whisper back to him, so softly that even I can't be sure if I hear: I love you.